


Donut Even Start With Your Kidding Around

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Donuts, F/M, Other, extra large condoms, some smex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:43:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5970766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asriel catches Sans sneaking an absurd amount of donuts into his room and tries to blackmail him, but fails spectacularly in ways only conceivable in his best nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Donut Even Start With Your Kidding Around

Who knew there were whole stores devoted to one particular food up on the surface? Of course, Sans knew that Mettaton was inspired by burger joints to make the Glamburger, but there were other items there as well with just the Glamburger as the star of the menu. No, what really caught Sans off guard were the donut stores.

Filled to the brim with sugary rings of goodness, some containing chocolate or jelly, or even cookie dough in them. Donuts by the dozen, literally, and they were half off at night!! Everyday, Sans would pass by one place in particular, always tempted, but never sure what he would even do with that many donuts.

Until, one day, he decided he deserved a day off. And what would he get to celebrate that?  Well, anyone reading this open love letter to donuts would be really stupid to even ask that. So the evening before his big day off, Sans stepped into the donut store thirty minutes to closing. The bagels and breads already gone, the selection was reserved to about three rows enough to make about half a dozen boxes. Perfect. Ordering the entire case, the skeleton left with a stack of boxes that nearly eclipsed his head, peeking out over the side to see where he was going and leaving the cashier behind the counter utterly speechless.

Now all he had to do was sneak these back home, since he wasn't really sure how well either his brother or Tori would react to the idea of stuffing his face full of the sugary halos for an entire day. Unfortunately, he only made it about three steps in before he felt a hand stopping him from advancing. Ah, oh well, he'd just have to share more than anything as his punishment. However, peeking around to see exactly who stopped him...

Oh. Oh fuck.

Asriel blinked as Sans walked into the house, raising an eyebrow and staring down at the white box in his hands. "Golly, you sure do have a lot of donuts on you." Not that Asriel wanted any; the teen goat only went out into the kitchen to get some tea for himself and Frisk. But...maybe...

He could use this to his advantage?

"Any reason why you're trying to keep quiet?"

Ah, maybe Prince Dreemurr wasn't as strict as his mother was when it came to sugar consumption? Hopefully? The skeleton smiled widely, though there didn't appear to be much of a difference. "Uh, didn't wanna disturb anyone napping," he lied poorly, at seven in the evening, "some people in the world are usually napping around this time?" It was at this moment Sans really wondered why he decided to go all Metal Gear Calcium and sneak instead of using one of his many shortcuts to his room. Welp, it wasn't like he ever had much control on how the timelines went...

"Anyway, you want one?" Maybe a bribe could keep the kid quiet, if he knew what was good for him. Wait, that sounded creepy--

Asriel shook his head but made sure to block the entrace to the hallway, sighing. "You're not getting off the hook that easily, you know. Mum doesn't like having so many sweets in the house." His red eyes were narrowed at the much shorter skeleton, glad that he could at least seem a bit more powerful as he towered above him--and c'mon, he had horns! Of course he looked menacing! "I can keep quiet, though--golly, and it'll be easy for me to do, too! But you have to do something for me, and I don't think you'll like that too much."

Aw shit. He should've expected this from the overgrown weed. Kid kept thinking he was just soooo tough because he was tall. Well Papyrus was tall too and no one ever saw him gloating about how great he was!!...Okay, that was a bad example, but Papyrus always saw potential in everyone; he was more about using his strength to benefit others. Asriel on the other hand still couldn't keep his roots to himself when it came to exerting power over others. Still, Sans always felt that what was easiest in life was to live with what came to be...so he might as well "play" along with whatever game Asriel had in mind, even though the thought of being under the other's influence again sent shivers of unrest down the skeleton's spine.

"Okay," he began slowly, raising an eye socket as he looked up, "what did you have in mind...?"

"Stop hitting on my mom," Asriel replied as he looked down at the skeleton, "and we have a deal. It's...so weird, you don't even understand--that's all I'm going to ask of you, and your little secret's safe with me." Sure, he wasn't exactly secretive about his relationship with Frisk around Sans, but it wasn't about him now. This time around, it was Sans who fucked up, and it was Asriel's job to benefit from it.

Sans blinked, turning his head back around to make sure he wasn't being punk'd by this punk. Was this kid really so naive...?

"Uh, okay," Sans shrugged, not bothering to tell the kid the reality of the situation, "but before you go, mind coming with me to my room? I actually do have something to give you that you might need."

He begrudgingly nodded and followed the other into his room, looming over him and wondering when he could just go back to his room--Frisk was probably wondering why he was taking so long out here...how awful. "What did you want to give me? It can't be that important."

Placing the donuts down, Sans fished for the spare he kept on his drawer, twirling it in his bony fingers before handing it over to the tall goat. "Actually, it is," he corrected as he watched the kid shakily grab the extra-large blue condom, "I don't need you impregnating Frisk with monster goat babies, they're way too young to be thinking about a family this early. Be safe, use protection. That's all."

Asriel's cheeks were red now, tilting his head and feeling his hand shake as he took the condom. "Do we really look like two people who -have sex- with each other? You're delusional." Nonetheless, he stuffed the condom in his boxers.

Sans rolled his eye sockets, all the while the grin on his face remained. "I'm sure you're right," Sans replied, hands going in his pockets, "after all, it's not like I haven't heard Frisk swearing a lot more at night, specifically your name. I'm sure that's them screaming at you because of how badly you suck at video games."

"Of course it is. Me, penetrate a vagina? Ridiculous. Just as ridiulous as you penetrating my mom's vagina." Asriel narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. "That was me making a point. The thought of me and Frisk ever being more than just bros is unthinkable. You will not be having sex with my mother."

"Oh, really?" Frisk stood near the doorway, arms folded and looking over at Asriel with more narrowed eyes than usual. "So last few nights were just 'being bros' to you, huh? Nice..." They walked off, wondering why they bothered coming out looking for their goat boyfriend when it turned out they were still nothing more than siblings in his eyes.

Of course, he WAS in Sans's room. Sans owed them a huge favor for doing that.

"Ouch," Sans blinked, looking back up at Asriel, "guess you won't be needing that rubber after all. Wanna go see how much water can fill it before popping?"

"Frick shiz dangit--" Asriel's eyes widened and hissed at the skeleton before chasing the human over to their shared room, tears already streaming down his cheeks as he was made to believe that Frisk was terrbly pissed at him. "Frisk, Frisk, please come back and love me!!! You make my kokoro go dokidoki like no one else!!!!!! Please, I promise there's more to me than just my goat dick!!!!!! I'm worth it!!!!!!!!!"

"And what am I worth to you?" They folded their arms once more and tilted their head, staring hard at the other. "You only want to plow that dick in me if you think that all I wanted from you was to be bros. Were you lying when you said you loved me? Or were you embarrassed to admit it to the world?!" They had a tinge of guilt for feeling so much pleasure at ripping into Asriel like this...man, they really were a reincarnation of Chara, weren't they?

Asriel sobbed louder and wrapped Frisk up in his arms, crying into their shoulder. "You mean a lot to me!! A lot, a lot, a lot...Frisk..." He nuzzled the other and frowned, wishing that Sans didn't have to force the words out of him. "I only said that we were bros because Sans was being a doodoo head, you have to believe me!!!! I really love you...so much..." He was being a stupid angsty crybaby. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Ah, but they couldn't stay mad at their Snootle for long! Frisk pulled Asriel in tightly and kissed their ear, nuzzling him gently. "I love you," they sighed, "I really do. But please...don't be embarrassed about us. Especially not with Sans. It's not like he has anything to hold against you, right?" Though, then again...Oh. Oh wait. Sans definitely had a lot to hold against Asriel still. Oops.

"Of course he does! Frisk..." Asriel huffed and laid back down in the bed, snuggling close to the other. "He did, uh, give me a condom. He doesn't want me knocking you up with monster babies. But that isn't possible, anyway! Don't know why I have to make my dick an ugly shade of blue from that condom to appease him."

"Oh, that reminds me," Frisk got up from their seat with Asriel and headed towards the door, "I need to get more lube from him." Heading down the hallway, they waited for Asriel to catch up.  Surely by now, the goat would have figured it out that they and Sans had set it up, in a way.  Even without having discussed such a plot, their best friend powers had made quite the ploy upon Asriel's tender heart.

Of course, Frisk also couldn't have expected the scene they saw upon turning the corner and looking into the skeleton's room.  Something...unseeable.

"Oh, hello, children~!" Toriel turned around, leaving the donut in the other's mouth as she turned to look at the others. "Sorry, we're, ah...kind of having a bit of couple alone time!"

 

"C-Couple? Since...when..." Asriel had followed Frisk into the room and nearly fainted upon seeing the sight. Sans, in his own mother's lap, sharing a donut...how...awful...Sure, he and Frisk had been in much lewder positions, but this? This was terrifying in so many ways. "We come in here for lube, and this happens--"

Bringing his hand up to catch the donut, Sans pushed it out of his mouth with his long blue tongue and stared over at Asriel with wide eye sockets, a little surprised the goat boy had been so careless as to let that quip leaf his mouth. Heh.

"Y'sure you wanna mention that part?" He asked, hoping to get back to playing their X-tra large Pocky game soon enough, if only Toriel's kid hadn't admitted that he was in hunt of lube, and using the pronoun "we" to indicate that he was indeed in need of it for any relations with Frisk.  That boy was a mess, and Sans wondered how their best friend could put up with him, especially considering how his eyes were redder than normal and he swore he heard sobbing before Toriel caught him red handed with specialty colored Valentine's frosted donuts.

"Mention what--oh." Asriel's eyes widened as he soon realized just what he'd let escape his mouth. Whoops.

"Lubrication...you two came in here for that?" Toriel stared at her children in horror as she looked to the ground, seeing an extra-large condom right next to Asriel's paw--it must have fallen out of those adorable heart-print boxers of his. "You two...be honest with me now. Why did you have to come in here as a pair? Why did you add the 'we,' Asriel?"

"A-Ask Frisk!"

"We're an item," Frisk boldly stated, taking Asriel's paw and picking up the condom, trying to look away from the awkward sight of their best friend sitting in their goat mom's lap, "like you and Sans.  You should be happy we're asking for lube and using condoms, though, it means we're being safe."

"That's pretty true," Sans nodded, wanting to at least get Frisk out of this situation.  Whatever Toriel wanted to do with Asriel though, well...like always, he was her kid.  Though he'd prefer it if she just sent him to Asgore so they could continue faster, even if it meant that nothing would really come of it in terms of Asriel being punished considering King Fluffybuns wasn't too keen on reprimanding people for having fun, especially if they were trying to be safe.

Toriel let out a sigh and rested her head on the other's shoulder, wondering exactly what to do about the situation at hand. Sure, it was...a relief that they were being safe and all, but her children were really in a relationship with each other. A goat and a human...well, it was just about as normal as a goat and a skeleton. "Carry on, then."

"R-Really?" Asriel's eyes shined in a rather anime-esque way as he ran over and pushed Sans abruptly off of Toriel, pulling her into a hug. "You're the best, Mom! So much better than Sans...I really do love you!!!"

"Now, now, darling, don't talk bad about him."

Not having appreciated being pulled away from his beloved's large, muscular arms, Sans gently turned Asriel's soul blue and pushed him back into Frisk's arms before tossing them both his spare bottle of lube.  "Get goin', you crazy cats," he chuckled as he reclaimed his spot in Toriel's warm lap, "and shut the door on your way out, won't you?"

"'Kay," Frisk instantly replied as they shut the door, gripping Asriel's paw and rushing back to their room, just wanting to get away from the view in the skeleton's room.

"You don't have to be so rough with him..." Toriel sighed and kissed Sans sweetly, nuzzling his face and smiling down at him. "It's fine, though, I'm sure he can handle it. Now, how about we share another donut?" She reached over for one and took a bite, waiting for Sans to do the same.

Shivering upon seeing the donut in her mouth, Sans leaned in and let his teeth bite down, eye sockets lowering as he grinned lewdly up at her.  "Don't mind if I do," he spoke through the action, slowly biting and making sure he was careful.  After all, he didn't want to accidentally bite down on her lips.

Toriel really did love how small the skeleton was--he fit so utterly perfectly in her lap. "Mm...you're so adorable," she whispered, taking another bite and kissing his teeth once the donut was gone. "My lovely Sansy."

Sans rarely got the chance to hear someone call him adorable, but it never really flustered him unless Tori said it.  She was really too freaking perfect.  "You're really beautiful," he grinned, wrapping his small arms around her neck and nuzzling her gently, "I love you so freaking much..."

"And I love you," she hummed and kissed him deeply, her large arms wrapped tightly around him and pulling him in. "My lovely little adorable Sans...you fit so perfectly into my arms--it just goes to show that you were always meant to be here."

Sans was really glad Frisk had pulled Asriel away now.  He didn't want that kid listening in on this...Much as he wasn't a fan of the spoiled prince, he feared what the kid would do knowing his mother preferred him head over heels over her ex.

But that was for another time to worry about.  For now, he stuck out his lovely blue tongue and began to kiss her even more, hands slipping through her fur and moaning as her lips peckered upon every inch of the ecto-tongue.  "Oh, Tori," he moaned, eyes rolling back, "you know how to drive me wild!  It's hard to be my old lazybones self with you~!"

Toriel smiled into the kiss, leaning back onto the pillows and continuing to taste the skeleton's tongue on her own. "Nothing wrong with that," she whispered, loving how gloriously amazing Sans appeared above her. "Oh, Sansy...you're so perfect to me no matter what."

It was a rare position, honestly, to be on top of Toriel instead of the other way around.  But Sans didn't mind, of course, since that meant he got to get his stomach all over her lovely tummy.  "Mind if we get rid of these~?" He grinned, tugging at her oxford shirt and taking off his own sweater and top, revealing his ribcage and blue monster soul beneath.

"Go right ahead," Toriel giggled out and pressed her lips to his teeth again, the two now naked and pressing against each other. "Mm...though those donuts did taste wonderful, I do believe that they don't even amount to you."

Grabbing the lube in his bedside drawer, Sans began to coat his fingers and inserted them up her, shuddering as he kissed down her neck.  "Well, I'll admit I feel the same," he replied, teeth gently nibbling on her long ear, free hand gently grasping one of her breasts and lovingly rubbing her nipple, "nothing could ever be sweet as you, after all."

"A-Ah~ Sansy..." Toriel closed her eyes as the skeleton thrust his fingers in, moaning quietly--as much as she was the dominant one, having Sans take control for the night seemed simply divine--especially with his teeth and fingers making her feel more perfect than ever.

"Y'doing good?" He spoke under his breath, panting already as he looked into her eyes.  Nuzzling her gently, he pulled out his fingers and lined up, not wanting to insert until she said she was ready for it.  Gently, he began to squeeze both of her small but plump breasts and stole a few more kisses, just loving the slow and tender moment.

Toriel nodded and continued to kiss the other, aching for the other inside of her--Sans had a way of making her go wild...he truly did. "Oh, Sans," she moaned, staring up at the skeleton with her red eyes half lidded. "I need you, Sansy...my perfect Sansy!!"

Once given the go, the skeleton eagerly inserted himself, letting out a loving moan as he held her close.  "God, Tori," he moaned out, "you're so hot!" He meant it, of course, both ways.  After all, Toriel's fur really did give off so much lovely heat, the skeleton was sure he could melt right there in her arms.

Toriel let out a deep moan as the skeleton thrusted himself into her, throwing her head back and closing her eyes. "So are you," she gasped, pulling him into a hard kiss and keeping her large arms wrapped tightly around him. "Oh, Sansy, Sansy...!!! I can't get enough of you!!!!"

Moaning as Toriel pulled him in, Sans let out a shaky breath as he started to thrust harder and faster, hands grasping her breasts and letting his tongue caress her lovely furry lips.  "Tori," he shuddered, his soul beating rapidly and his blue eye blinking open, "I love you so much, so damn much!!"

Normally Toriel didn't exactly tolerate swearing, but she couldn't help but find it attractive whenever Sans cursed like that--no matter what, Sans really drove her wild..."Sansy, I love you," she moaned loudly, loving how he felt inside of her. "Oh, Sansy...you always feel so perfect in me!!"

So enthralled with the woman, Sans let out one more thrust before he came inside of her, shuddering at the feeling.  "O-Oh," he blinked and felt his cheeks burn up.  Well, it wasn't the earliest he'd cum before, but this was certainly fast even for him.  "S-Sorry...hold on." Pulling out, he lowered himself and stuck out his tongue, lapping at her clit as his fingers took care of where his cock once was.

Toriel looked down and watched as the skeleton went down on her, shuddering and gripping the blankets. "A-Ah, ah...!! Sans, Sans...!!!!" She was panting, her heart beating terribly fast as she let out a shriek and came. "My beautiful Sans...you don't have to apologize...you've done more than enough..."

Sans looked up into Toriel's gorgeous red eyes before kissing her lovingly, holding her close in his arms as they collapsed on his bed.  "Oh, Tori," he shivered, "I really do love you so much.  I just wanna make sure you know every ounce of pleasure you give me...you're so giving."

"You mean the world to me." Toriel sighed contently and pulled the skeleton up into her arms, kissing him gently and deciding that she could spend the night contently in his bed. "Now let's get ready for bed, yes?"

Sans nodded and gently curled up in Toriel's arms, nuzzling his face in her chest and kissing her lips once more.  "I love you so much," he whispered, feeling completely warm in her arms, "can we sleep in tomorrow?"

"Of course we can. Stay in my arms..." Toriel curled up and rested her eyes, kissing the top of Sans's head. "For as long as you so wish. Goodnight, love."

* * *

 

Tears were streaming down his eyes as Asriel grabbed onto Frisk, sobbing into their chest. "I don't like having a room right next to Sans's. I don't like hearing my mom's sex noises. I don't like this at all."

Frisk rolled their eyes and pulled Asriel in, sighing as they wondered how the two next door hadn't heard them--perhaps Sans and Toriel were really louder.  Okay, Frisk could see how thinking like that was kinda gross.  "At least they mostly tend to do it in mom's room, right?"

"It's still disgusting!!" Asriel sobbed harder and kept his arms wrapped around Frisk's body, completely curled up into them. "I don't wanna hear those gross sex noises...Frisk..."

"I know," Frisk sighed, "you were making them not moments ago."

“Shush.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment if u enjoyed or some shit lol


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